More and more these days I get a sense of both being here and not being here. It is one of those divine paradoxes that makes no sense to the reasoning mind but which is understood through living it. Language can paint a picture but it is limited because it assumes that you understand the words I use in much the same way I do.
But I find myself writing anyway.
What is it to live this understanding, to live this freedom?
Somehow we fall back, back into the absolute and become one with that and then watch and move and speak from there.
So, we are both here and not here. We are both dead and alive. We have died before we die.
But of course it is not death, because there is no death. There is only life, taking on infinite forms. That’s what wakes up and recognises itself everywhere in awakening. We have been born into the freedom that is our destiny. It happens here, in the body or when we leave the body – and the body dies of course. Like all forms it is in continual flux. But what we are does not. What we are is beyond death. It is that (what we are) which we fall back into, or that which awakens.
Whatever way you look at it, we have always been here, always been fully present and alive but simply playing along with the illusion that we are not. Playing along with the illusion that there is somewhere else to get to. Believing that we have to become something else, something greater, purer, clearer. Nothing needs to happen for the freedom we are to be. It is already being, has always been and will always be.
Seeing from this no-place, moving and speaking from this no-place is freedom. All of the normal human emotions and sensations like fear and anger and sadness and grief and passion and love are all still fully felt. This is the gift. They too are free to come and go. And they do… come AND go… they go when we’re not holding on to them.
We never truly wanted to not feel, to not experience what some of us call suffering. We simply did not want to be imprisoned by it.
When this falling back happens, or when what we are awakens, we are no longer imprisoned by suffering, no longer imprisoned by fear or any other strong sensation or experience. No longer do we feel bound by a sense of a failed self, a broken self or a dysfunctional self. We have died to self and so are fee to be, as we are.
That separate sense of self that we have believed is running the show, that believes in time and space and cause and effect cannot quite believe (and will never really believe) that nothing need happen for this freedom to be lived.
And yet nothing need happen for this freedom to live, save for the recognition that it is already being lived, has always been lived in every moment, in the only moment there is: now.
On the very human level, there is nothing mysterious about being free. There is nothing mysterious about awakening or what some call enlightenment. It is the only reality there is and yet within that reality there is the freedom (because freedom is free) to create infinitely. And the separate self, the ego, our false sense of self is simply another creation that believes IT is creating this experience and believes that it alone is responsible for it.
This is the cause of much suffering and pain. The falsely held belief that we are to be credited with what happens, both good and bad. When this falling back happens, it is the end of good and bad. The concepts remain of course and can be useful, as they are intended to be. But they are conceptual and ultimately seen through, which is the path to forgiveness and healing.
In the healing (the becoming whole) of that which was once two (good or bad, rich or poor, right or wrong) oneness works it’s everyday miracles, as it has always done.
What we are knows no bounds. It does not need them. The egoic self or separate self cannot exist without bounds. In one sense it IS bounds, it is boundaries. A person shaped outline in the infinite field of consciousness.
When falling back occurs or when consciousness is recognised, we look then from the background which naturally includes and embraces the separate self, naturally includes and embraces the ego self.
This is freedom. The freedom to live and create from this greater perspective, from the infinity of consciousness or emptiness, call it what you will. We could call it God if we were not to be hypnotised by our historic and conditioned belief of what God is. In the sense in which I am speaking here, God is the infinite space of consciousness, the freedom that allows us to live, the empty space in which all is embraced, in which all dances.
God is the space that allows everything to be. Which is why God is love, unconditional love. The blank space on which I write here is a metaphor for unconditional love. It accepts whatever I write on it, whether it makes sense or not, whether it is good or bad, right or wrong.
This is the freedom we are and it is already being lived.