My spiritual seeking was always self centred until it was seen that the self at the centre was not there.
I always wanted awakening to do something for me. Ultimately, I looked upon awakening as another way to avoid pain and find pleasure. Pleasure comes and goes as does pain. What does not come and go is the very is-ness, the very being that is life.
That being, that is-ness is not a separate state that can be reached or approached, it’s not outside of you or hidden inside of you. If it is hidden at all, it is hidden everywhere as everything. There is nothing it is not.
So, it may be seen that even this self that seeks to find pleasure and avoid pain is also being happening. And that the pain is being happening, is life happening, as is the pleasure. And that you also, are life happening. In that seeing, everything is as it is. You could say everything is accepted, simply because it is already happening. It only needs to be accepted when it’s happening to a separate you. When you are life happening, there is no separate one to accept, no separate one to own pain or pleasure.
What I was looking for all those years (in worldly and spiritual seeking), through all the avoidance of pain and the looking for pleasure was already happening. It was happening despite my seeking for it. My seeking for it was my insistence it was missing. And yet even that, even the seeking for nirvana, or bliss or the seeking to not be a someone is being simply happening that way.