For most of my adult life, I lived with the constant sensation that somehow, something very important was missing. I lived with an almost permanent niggling feeling of lack. This sensation took various forms and led me to look for various fixes… from smoking, drinking, eating, sex and eventually to the spiritual search where the need to become whole was much more obvious. Previous to spiritual seeking, I believed that on some level I was not complete and that all these various desires I had – if fulfilled – would bring a sense of completion.
It’s a wonder and a miracle to me that these days (I would say for the past 4/5 years) this nagging sense of feeling lack or feeling incomplete has vanished. It was such a familiar and constant sensation that the relief when it finally began to dissolve was so palpable and powerful. However, in the last year or so, I’ve hardly thought about it.
In fact, I was writing the other day and suddenly realised: Oh! That feeling really HAS gone! I haven’t felt it for years!
What vanished, was the belief that anything in the material world could ever offer me completion. It’s not that I no longer pursue my dreams or work to create something in the world. I do. It’s simply that I no longer labour under the illusion that any of it will bring me lasting happiness or satisfaction.
For that (lasting happiness and satisfaction) I need look no further than right here, in this moment now. No matter what is happening in this moment, the moment itself, the space in which all of this occurs, IS unconditional happiness. And that is a blessing indeed.