Sometimes when we have appeared to have dropped all seeking, suddenly it feels like we are seeking again… the feeling of wanting something… something other than this. You might want something to stop happening, like a painful pattern or you might want something to happen, like some idea of the awakened state. It sometimes feels like you have to see that you are free… it feels like you’ve got to see it clearly.
And yet, this is not seen by looking. It’s seen through the being of it. Freedom is not really seen by ‘the one looking’ at all but by looking itself. When looking itself recognises itself showing up as the one who looks, there can be a feeling of relief. And often we then turn that into a goal or object to have or a destination to reach.
So, we look and inquire and uncover and see through… and there seems to be a never ending round of stories, feelings, emotional patterns, some new and many of them repeated. Like frequent life-long visitors, these selves come to stay. The sadness keeps coming, the loneliness re-appears. Like forgotten and rejected children they keep coming to visit perhaps to show us they are not so ugly after all. Perhaps to show us that even they, the forgotten and lonely and rejected are lovable too.
And even though you might feel as if you ARE those rejected feelings or the one who is sad, depressed, angry or afraid what you really are is the room for all of them. You are the room for the loneliness to be, the room for the sadness to be fully sadness (which is after all, not the concept we think of it with words and pictures and sensations… it is ultimately unknowable) and the room for all the roles you might play. You are the room for the mother to be fully the mother, the seeker to be fully the seeker, the lonely one to be fully the lonely one all of them free to be.
You are the light of unconditional love, shining through the prism of personality/body/mind… and that prism is moving, in constant motion, catching and reflecting and refracting different patterns of light, different dances of you. All of them whole and complete and utterly loved, totally embraced.
Sadness fully itself, memories totally themselves, tears fully tears, laughter fully laughter… nothing is denied.
And as the light that plays as all of you, you are both something (you) and nothing (light) at the same time.
It’s been said that the separate, individual self (the seeker) IS the prison. And when there is a firm belief that you are all there is… that truth may be lived, always though with a nagging sense that something is missing or not quite right. A sense that maybe the doors to the prison are not locked after all.
What you are is a blended being. The blending of light through the prism of the unique self (personality/body/mind) is the play of consciousness, the play of love, the play of light totally free to be… free to be all of it